


Forgive Me, For I Can't Stay

by AgentCatt



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Chorus setting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories, Post Season 15, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Repressed Memories, Wounded Wash, please tell me how to tag this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-01-31 06:08:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12675945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCatt/pseuds/AgentCatt
Summary: Dr. Grey has filled him in on everything he needed to know. How he got there just in time before bleeding out. How lucky he was to still be alive. How they don’t know how he got there. She tells him that the shot just grazed his neck. Not deep enough to cause any major problems. But just deep enough to make him lose a lot of blood. When he looks over at the machines, she tells him everything he’s hooked up to. She tells him to get some rest. The others should be there within the next few days.His mind races. Spinning round and round. Falling. Slowly losing what little control he still had from before the shot.





	1. Chapter 1

Dr. Grey has filled him in on everything he needed to know. How he got there just in time before bleeding out. How lucky he was to still be alive. How they don’t know how he got there. She tells him that the shot just grazed his neck. Not deep enough to cause any major problems. But just deep enough to make him lose a lot of blood. When he looks over at the machines, she tells him everything he’s hooked up to. She tells him to get some rest. The others should be there within the next few days.

  
  


His mind races. Spinning round and round. Falling. Slowly losing what little control he still had from before the shot.

Then everything stops. He hears the clock ticking. The drip, drip, drip of the IV that gives him morphine. It’s too loud. Too much noise. 

The door ever so slightly creaks open. His heart feels like it’s beating faster. How is he going to tell ‘Lina her mother died. How could he tell her? 

In walks Dr. Grey and a different aqua soldier. That’s not ‘Lina. Where is she? He looks from the aqua soldier over to Dr. Grey confused. 

The aqua man walks over to his side, “How you holding up man?”

“I’m hoping he’ll start talking since you’re here!” Dr. Grey smiles at him. 

He just looks between the two before making himself speak. “‘Lina?” His voice is hoarse from not speaking. It hurts too. 

“Oh! She’s in the next room over! She’s doing fine. Just hooked up to a lot of different IV’s. She’s still very weak, but fine!” Dr. Grey tells him. She likes that he’s talking. 

He doesn’t want to say anything more. He has to get up. Has to go see ‘Lina. Tell her what happened. He tries to get up and they both immediately push him back down. Not allowed to get up till he’s hooked to less machines. 

“I’ll stay with him,” the aqua man tells Dr. Grey. No. He can’t stay. She nods. No, Dr. No! “You hear that Wash, just relax. I’ll be by your side.” 

Wash? Who is Wash? Why does that sound familiar? That’s not his name. That’s not who he is. That’s not right! Why would they mistake him for this! He’s the head of the Project! Does anyone understand that! 

Drip. Drip. Drip. He looks at the machines as Dr. Grey leaves the room. He hears the guy stripping out of armor, but doesn’t look. Just stares at the machines. Watching. Going over what they just said.

“It’s weird seeing you out of armor,” the man chuckles, pulling a chair close to the bed. 

He slowly lifts his hand to feel his face. Oh. He really is out of armor. He touches his face for one more moment before putting his hand down. He goes back to staring.

“You okay, Wash? You don’t seem yourself.” 

He wants to yell. Ask who Wash is. Ask why that name feels right. Better to just ignore him. Ignore and he’ll go away. That’s how he gets Dr. Grey to go away. Just ignores her. 

The man sighs, “Look, I’m sorry for what happened to you. We should never have let Locus help us in the first place.”

Locus? That name. He looks confused over to the man. Who is Locus? It’s just, that name is so familiar. Why does he want Locus there with him? What’s so special about that guy? And what does he mean by never let him help?

“Yeah, I mean, he did help save you two then set us free, but like he was trouble from the beginning and he should’ve left the moment he set us free. But-”

A man, very enthusiastic about seeing him, comes into the room to cut off the man talking. 

“Tucker! There you are! Is it my turn to talk to Agent Washington yet!?” 

So the man’s name is Tucker. Good to know, he guesses. Agent Washington must be the full name for Wash.  

“Caboose! Grey said no other people allowed in here not wait your turn!” Tucker gets up from his chair and shoes Caboose out of the room. 

Caboose. Tucker. Locus. Wash. All these names. None he can recall more than familiarity. Even then, why are they familiar? He watches Tucker sit back in the chair.

“He’s been even more of a pest since he got closure with Church’s death.” 

Wait what? He’s right there? He looks so confused at Tucker. Tucker takes this moment to tell him that the whole Church message was just a hoax to get them to come out of hiding. That they should’ve listened to Grif. (Another name? How many new, yet familiar, names will he hear?)

Tucker likes the sound of his own voice. He’s gathered that much information. This was all real? It sounds like a dream. It had to be a dream. No one could actually have gone through this, right? He feels the bandages on his neck. Lightly. It still very much hurts. 

“Yeah, so that’s what happened in the end. Pretty sure Locus was the one that actually took the shot.” 

He removes his hand from his neck. “He wouldn’t,” he tells Tucker. Not knowing why he said that. Just feeling it as if it’s the truth.

“Well, we’ll never actually know since he’s gone in the wind again.”

“I know,” he coldly replies the best he can. He turns slightly onto his side, putting his back to Tucker. 

He doesn’t know how he knows this. He doesn’t know anything about this. But there’s this feeling. Somewhere inside of him. This Locus would never hurt him like that. Nothing that could potentially take his life. 

Tucker realizes he hit a nerve with that one. He sits there for a moment before continuing to talk about the others. That Carolina wanted to see him before Dr. Grey made her get hooked up so some IVs. About Sarge saying now would be a good time to attack the Blues and win since their two best men are down for a while. How annoyed Tucker is with the whole situation. 

He just tunes him out. Thinking about ‘Lina. Thinking about Allyson. He can hear a voice in his head wanting out. Wanting to take control of his body. Screaming. Crying. Maybe that’s why there are a few tears falling down his cheeks.

“Dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it! I was only joking,” Tucker catches his attention. He doesn’t even know what was said. But Tucker thinks it’s his fault. “Don’t cry man. Cause then I will. You’re the tough one, remember?” 

No, he doesn’t remember really. He remembers her face. Her beautiful face. Her voice. Then there was nothing.

“I should probably go get Grey,” Tucker gets up. He catches his arm just in time. “What?” Tucker asks. He just looks at him, glaring almost. Daring him to actually go and get her.

“Fine. I won’t go get her,” Tucker waits for him to loosen his grip. When he does, Tucker sits back down.

Sitting there for a few more hours, he thinks he’s going to go insane. Tucker doesn’t stop talking about whatever the fuck he’s talking about. He feels grateful to see Dr. Grey come in the room to check on him. Makes Tucker stop talking. Makes him leave the room too, even though he protests. She gets him to go.

“Figured you’d want some privacy for a little!” she smiles. “And it’s time to take out the catheter and the feeding tube. You’ve gained a little weight in the little time you’ve been on it! Which is a good thing. You’ll be starting out with soups and broths until the wound heals a little more to allow you to chew.” 

He just nods at everything she’s telling him. The most he listens to is that he’s now able to walk about the room as long as someone is there to make sure he doesn’t fall. Simple enough. He agrees to it.

Getting the catheter out is probably one of the most painful things ever. And she pulled the feeding tube out his side, then stitched him up. You’d think that’d be more painful. He gets through it by only making a few sounds. 

“Now!” He’s really starting to hate how chipper Dr. Grey is. “I’ll bring you something to eat in a few hours. And when you get up, be sure to not pull the stitches!” 

He looks over at the IVs he’s still hooked up to. She tells him he still needs those for another day or two before he can be taken off those. Then he’ll be taking painkillers instead of the morphine going straight into his system.

She leaves the room shortly after, leaving him alone. He enjoys the peace and quiet for as long as he can. It doesn’t take him long to fall asleep. 

 

_ Don’t say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. _

 

He wakes up to the sound of Dr. Grey setting the tray down on the table next to his bed. His breathing shallow. Heart racing. 

“Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to wake you.” 

“It’s okay,” he manages to say. He feels like she knew he was having a nightmare, but doesn’t say anything about it. He takes his time sitting up, then pulls the table over the bed.

“Chicken broth with a glass of orange juice,” she smiles. “Tucker was the one to suggest the juice.”

He nods and slowly sips on the broth. He keeps expecting there to be noodles, but there aren’t any. He frowns internally at the fact that the straw isn’t bendy in any way. Curious as to why that upsets him, even in the slightest.

When he finishes, Dr. Grey takes the tray and leaves the room without another word. He doesn’t feel the pain from the wound anymore. He feels the pain in the back of his neck. He holds his hand there, trying to figure out why it hurts by feeling it. There’s a few bumps and lines that feel like his veins have popped out slightly. Maybe he’ll ask Dr. Grey about it. Better yet, keep it to himself. 

Everything feels wrong. Something telling him to get out of there. A nagging voice. He swings his legs over the side of the bed. He scoots himself to the edge. She said to get up with someone there, but there’s no one around and he doesn’t want to call for anyone. But when his feet touch the cold floor, he feels weak. The door opens, stopping him. He looks to see who it is and groans. It’s Tucker again. 

“Whoa, dude.” Tucker rushes over to help him. “Why didn’t you call for anyone if you’re trying to get up?!” 

He says nothing. He just lets Tucker help him up. He grabs the IV stand, rolling it along with him as they head to the bathroom. He manages to do everything else himself. Getting a bit stronger the longer he’s up. It’s just the initial getting up that’s hard.

“Thanks,” he tells him when he gets back to the bed. He winces as he pulls himself fully onto the bed, laying back.

“I’m here for you, you know.” 

He feels like that isn’t the truth. That isn’t what Tucker really means. He just says it to get brownie points with him. But at least this time Tucker’s quiet for the majority of the time, allowing him to go back to sleep.

 

_ Spinning. Everything’s spinning. Between memories that aren’t his. Between memories that have been jumbled up, mixed with each other. Different voices fighting. Different people, almost, fighting for control. _

 

_ Who am I? _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Towards the very end, threats of killing oneself.

_ “Let me out!” Wash’s voice calls from inside the cage. “This isn’t right! It’s not right! Let me out!”  _

_ Wash gets louder and louder with each sentence said. Wanting out. Wanting control back. Everyone else just passing by as if nothing is wrong. They don’t see that Wash isn’t himself. That Wash isn’t who he’s supposed to be. Wash is trapped behind bars with only one person holding the key to unlocking it. _

 

He wakes up to the sound of muffled bickering and people shuffling around. He opens his eyes slowly to see five simulation troopers standing in his room. Three for red and two for blue. They all stop talking to one another once they realize he’s awake.

“Good to see you’re doing fine, son,” the standard issue red soldier tells him.

“Agent Washington! Agent Washington!” the standard issue blue soldier hugs him tightly. It hurts more than he expected.

But he tunes the man out, staring at him quizzically. Not sure what he means by calling him Agent Washington. That’s not him at all. Why is he hugging him? How does he know these soldiers? Where’s the Director? 

Wait is he calling him Agent Washington because something happened to him and this soldier is in some sort of shock or…? What’s exactly happening? Where is Wash? Where’s Tex? Where’s Carolina? Are they okay?

The soldier is pulled back by the aqua one. He opens his mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. He wants to ask them these things. It feels like his voice has been stolen for the time being. His throat hurts. He reaches up to feel the bandage on his neck. 

He doesn’t even notice the others staring at him. He’s trying to figure out what happened to him, but can’t remember anything. The last thing he remembers is the Director telling him something about Tex and Carolina being possibly hurt. How- oh god.

Dr. Grey comes in and makes everyone leave. The aqua soldier is resilient to leave, but does after she threatens him. She comes over to him, telling him he needs to calm down or else she’s going to make him take something to force him to calm down. He didn’t even know he was panicking. 

He forces himself to breathe. Few minutes later and his heart rate starts going down.

“Good!” she chirps. “Now! Do you know why your heart rate rose?” 

“Uhhh,” his voice is back! That’s a good thing. Now he can ask everything he wants to. Though, it’s weird how he can just talk again… “Where’s Carolina and Tex?”

“Agent Carolina is next door, recovering quite well! But I... don’t know who this Tex is? Do you mind telling me who this person is?” she asks. 

That only makes him confused. Carolina is recovering well? So something did happen? And why doesn’t this doctor know anything about Tex? They should’ve been together. 

“Agent Washington?” she’s caught on to how confused he is. “Are you feeling okay?” 

“Why is everyone calling me that? That’s not my name. Wash should be with Agent Maine right now.” He pauses for a moment. “No, wait. Something happened to Maine, but I don’t remember what.” 

She hesitates, “What is your name then…?”

“I’m Alpha, but I think prefer Church. May I go see Carolina? I have to ask her about Tex.” 

He’s more worried about those two than where the Director could’ve gone. The doctor doesn’t answer his question. Just stares at him for a moment before asking more questions.

“Oh? So you’re Church?”

“Yeah. Why does no one realize this? I mean, I’m kind of important.” He’s confused by the question in her tone.

“I’m going to be right back,” she quickly leaves the room.

He forces himself to slowly sit up. Swinging his feet over the side of the bed. He feels a little weak, but manages to stand up on his own. He takes off the heart monitor thing on his finger then grabs the IV stand, wheeling it over to where a suit lies on the ground. He groans, squatting down to inspect the armor. He realizes it’s Agent Washington’s. What the fuck is this doing here and since when does he get out of armor?

He inspects the armor for a moment before finding a datapad. He picks it up, turning it on to see that there’s a message. It’s an unknown message. Since when does Wash get unknown messages? What if he’s cheating on Maine, he rolls his eyes with a huff.

He slowly makes his way back over to the bed with the datapad. He sits down and mindlessly opens the message. 

 

_ If you need anything - Here’s how you can reach me. _

_-Locus_

 

He stares at the message for what feels like a long time. Unknowingly, he opens up a new message. Wash types in “I need you.” He hears the door open and Dr. Grey walks in with Carolina slowly following behind. They say nothing at first. Carolina walking closer to him. Wash forces himself to hit send before putting the datapad on the table next to his bed.

“Wash…?” Carolina nervously is the first to say anything.

“Carolina! Are you okay? Where’s Tex? Is everything okay?” He waits for her to answer his questions.

“Wash? Tex isn’t around anymore,” she feels a knot form in her stomach.

“Why do you keep calling me Wash. I’m not him! What do you mean Tex isn’t around anymore?” 

Carolina hesitates, “...who are you, then?” 

“I’m Church. How can no one see this?” 

Carolina has never seen him this way. She doesn’t know what to do about this. Dr. Grey has an idea on how to help, but neither are sure it will. Especially since it links to known past. What doesn’t make sense is why he’d be acting this way though. 

“I can’t believe Tex is gone,” he lays on his side with his back to them.

Carolina quietly takes the datapad from the table and leaves the room. She doesn’t know what to do about this whole situation, but he was on the datapad when they walked in. So maybe there will be some clues on it? Every little bit would help.

“What’s that?” Tucker asks when Carolina sits down on her bed the next room over.

“Wash isn’t himself. So I took this to see if I could figure it out. I’ve never seen him like this before. He believes he’s Church.” 

“He was off yesterday too. I just thought it was any medication he was on. He really thinks he’s Church?”

“I don’t even know how to respond to him when he’s asking about Tex and upset we’re calling him the wrong name.” Carolina frustratingly sighs. “Do you know the code to his datapad?” 

“I’ve never seen him like this neither, but then again I never really pay attention. And uh, he says it to himself as 619B, but the ‘b’ is a 2.” 

Carolina puts in the code and it works. She sees the message from Locus, then the message to him. She stares at it for a moment. Another message appears.

_ I’m going to need more than that, Wash. _

She thinks before typing back that it was “just a bad dream” and to “not worry about it.” There is no message back. 

“I’m going to go talk to him,” Tucker speaks up.

“Huh? Yeah. Don’t do anything to upset him,” she tells him.

He’s still on his side as Tucker enters the room. He doesn’t bother to acknowledge the presence. Doesn’t really want to talk to anyone if they’re just going to keep saying the wrong shit. 

“Hey, uh, buddy. How’s it going? Carolina give you a hard time?” There is no response. “You just gonna lay there? We both know you’re not sleeping.” 

He turns around to face Tucker, not really wanting to, but if it’ll make the man go away sooner. That’s all he really wants right now. That he knows of.

“You okay? You look like you’ve been crying,” Tucker points out. 

He moves to touch his face. It’s slightly damp from tears. When had he started crying? Confused, he sits up.

“Are you really not going to talk to me? I mean, we are best buds after all.” 

“Shut up,” he tells him. “We’re nothing. I don’t even know you.” 

“Of course you know me. We’ve been through a lot together, man,” Tucker goes to put a hand on his shoulder and he flinches away.

“Don’t touch me!” he yells.

Tucker actually backs off. “Okay I won’t. I promise.” 

He closes his eyes, forcing himself to breathe normal. Carolina is at the door in seconds after hearing him yell.

“I thought I told you not to upset him?” 

“I didn’t!” Tucker defends himself. 

He just keeps his eyes closed, listening to the two bicker about if he was upset by the man or not. He just doesn’t want anyone to touch him. It’s just that something’s wrong and he doesn’t know what. But there is definitely something wrong. Just… wrong.

Wash quickly grabs the scalpel he didn’t even know he put under his pillow. 

“Leave!” Wash yells. “Both of you! Grey and Locus are the only two allowed in here!” Wash pulls off the bandage on his neck before putting the scalpel to his throat. “Or else I’m going to kill myself! GO!” Tears fall down Wash’s face. Wash’s breath uneven.

Scared he might actually go through with it, they leave. They just leave. Thank god they left. He puts the scalpel back under the pillow and wipes the tears before Dr. Grey comes in. Everything’s going to be okay. Yeah, it’ll be okay. He promises.

 

_ Wash tries to yell again, but there is no sound. They took his sound. Shhh little Wash. It’ll be okay. _


	3. Chapter 3

Locus didn’t know what to do with the message Wash sent him. Why would he exactly need him? But then say that it was only a bad dream? It doesn’t make much sense. So he didn’t reply to that. He just stared at the messages, wondering. 

It must mean Wash is okay though. That he pulled through. Which is a very good thing. He’s glad he’s okay. Only question is how far down the shot went. Can he talk or has he become mute? This is when he’s wishing he had someone telling him information on these things. 

Locus sits back in the chair of A'rynasea , thinking to himself. His eyes closed for what seems like a few minutes, but turns into about an hour. He’s more tired than he realized.

He jumps out of his seat, scared at first, until he realizes he’s just getting a call. He sighs to himself, not exactly happy he just freaked out over the sound of the call. He goes to look at who it is. Wash of course. 

He hesitates to answer before hitting accept, “Wash?”

There’s a long pause on the other end. He almost hangs up before something is said.

“Locus? This is Agent Carolina.” 

Shit.

“Hello, why- how-” Locus doesn’t really know what to ask first. He just goes quiet.

“I need to talk to you about something,” Carolina sounds uneasy. Scared almost.

“What is it?” Locus is glad it’s not one of those face cam calls. He’s out of armor and hair’s a complete mess. That and he looks worried. This has something to do with Wash doesn’t it…

There’s another long pause.

“I don’t really know how to explain this,” she starts, “but Wash is asking for you. He won’t let anyone in the room except you or Dr. Grey.” She audibly sighs. Locus can hear how scared she is. “He’s threatened to kill himself if anyone else enters.”

Now it’s Locus’ turn to audibly sigh. He takes a moment before asking, “Does anyone know why he’s doing this?”

“Before he threatened to kill himself, he was saying how none of us know his name. That he’s not Wash. I’ve talked this over with the others. We don’t know what to do. He won’t talk to Grey either. Why is he asking for you?” 

“I don’t know,”  _ because he trusts me.  _ “What do you mean that he’s not Wash?” 

“He said his name was Church,” she can barely say above a whisper.

Locus runs a hand through his hair. He knew this would happen. Wash once told him how to handle it if something like that ever happened. But that was on a smaller scale. Where just hearing his voice could bring him back. This doesn’t sound the same at all.

“How long has he been like this?” Locus finally asks.

“We don’t really know. He didn’t really start talking till a day or two ago.” 

He wants to hit something. Anything. He knew this was what was going to happen the moment he saw Wash in that room. He wasn’t okay mentally. Yes, standing in a room with no food or a way out can do that to anyone, but he knew. He just knew. There was no way to stay on Chorus. Not without them knowing. That would’ve just lead to them arresting him. Turning him in. There is no good in that. Calm down.

“Locus?” 

He didn’t realize he went silent. “I know how to help him.” He doesn’t want to give away that Wash was the one that told him how to. “I read it in his file that Hargrove gave us on you two.”

“Something useful came out of that.” She doesn’t question his lie. It’s a possibility after all. “I’m going to go have a talk with Kimball then get back to you. They don’t know you brought him here.” 

How he wanted it. “Okay,” the line goes dead without saying another word.

Locus realizes he wasn’t really breathing during the call. He sits back in the chair with his head in his hands. His mind is racing more than he’d like it to. What if Kimball does actually let him down there with no repercussions? He’ll have to see the rest of the Reds and Blues as well. He doesn’t mind them, really. It’s just he doesn’t want to deal with Tucker. The asshole that, also, helped Wash be this way.

He lifts his head up, sitting back into the chair. All he really can do now is wait for the call back.

 

3 hours 18 minutes

That’s how long it took for Locus to get a call back. It took 3 hours and 18 minutes of long, silent, waiting for the call. It most likely took a lot of convincing on Agent Carolina’s part to get Kimball to agree. He honestly thought it would take longer than it did to convince Kimball to let him come down, but here they are, discussing where he can land without being seen.

“There’s a forest right outside the city,” Locus suggests. “I can land, camo my ship, then go with whoever’s meeting me there?” 

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Carolina agrees with him. She just wants Wash to be okay again. 

“No, I don’t trust him.” Kimball speaks up.

“Nessa, we’ve been over this. If it wasn’t for Locus, we’d all be dead right now.” 

Locus just sits back while the two argue for a few moments before bringing him back into the conversation. 

“Fine. Locus, you may land in the forest. Agent Carolina will be there to bring you here so we can discuss your rules for being here.” 

“Yes, ma’am. I will be there by sunrise.” 

“I’ll be waiting,” Carolina tells him before ending the call. 

Locus groans to himself. He set course for Chorus, full speed. He has to get there soon. Sunrise there is in a few hours. He should be able to make it by then.

 

Thank god. Right on time, almost. Locus managed to get there just a few minutes after sunrise. He carefully lands A'rynasea near a little body of heat he assumes to be Agent Carolina. Stepping out of the ship, yeah it’s Agent Carolina. 

“You’re going to want to take off your armor,” Carolina tells him.

“Are we travelling by teleportation?” Locus asks. 

“Yes,” she’s puzzled about his question.

“Then I’ll keep it on and take it off when we get there.” 

She shrugs to herself mostly, somewhat trusting of this. She teleports the two to the war room, where Kimball is patiently waiting. Locus starts to take off his armor. He sets it on the table in the corner.

“So,” Kimball turns to look at the both of them. “Apparently Agent Washington isn’t doing well, but is calling for you.”

“I’ve been told of the situation,” Locus finishes putting his armor neatly on the table. He puts the kevlar, somewhat folded, next to it. Then fixes his hoodie to feel better, rather than scrunched up to fit into the kevlar. He already knew he’d have to go without armor before it was said. And hospitals can get pretty cold.

“Can you tell me why you hold the key to fixing this?” 

She moves her head at Carolina to Locus. Carolina goes over and pats him down to make sure he’s not secretly carrying anything. He’s not. But they have to be cautious and he understands that.

“Hargrove gave us his and Agent Carolina’s Project Freelancer files. Agent Washington’s medicals were in his. It explained this happening before shortly after the Mother of Invention crashed.”

Carolina slightly winces at hearing that again. When Agent Maine, no, The Meta threw her off that cliff after taking her A.I. Then she thinks about Wash. Oh god, Wash was alone. Was this what he was like?

“And you’re sure this will work?” Kimball asks.

Locus sighs, “No.”

“But it’s worth a shot,” Carolina says.

There’s a short pause. Carolina stares at Kimball to not turn this into another argument.

“Fine. Fine, okay. Rules,” Kimball completely turns her attention to Locus. “No weapons of any kind. No violence. You must stay with Carolina or Dr. Grey at all times. And you are not to leave the hospital for any reason.” 

Locus nods. It’s understandable. “Will do.” 

“Carolina will escort you to the hospital. No one else is to know you’re here.” 

“Yes ma’am,” Locus puts his hood up and follows Carolina by her side.

The walk over there is quiet. He almost expected her to ask more questions about anything really, but she doesn’t. Normally he likes the silence, but this is tense . She’s scared they won’t be able to get Wash back from this. He is too, but doesn’t show it.

They get to the hospital. Locus takes a deep breath before walking into the room with the other Reds and Blues. When he puts his hood up, Caboose comes running over to hug him. It’s even worse out of armor. Why is he so strong? It takes a few times of Tucker telling him to get off before he does.

Grif is the only one that’s decently happy to see him. The others either don’t care, or are Tucker and hate him more than anything.

Dr. Grey comes out of what he’s assuming is Wash’s room. She sees him and glares for a moment before going back to her happy face.

“I’ll be going in with you,” she obviously tells Locus.

“Yes, ma’am,” Locus tries to kindly smile at her, but ends up just looking at the ground. Time to see if he can even help Wash. Something tells him he won’t be able to.


	4. Chapter 4

The thought of Wash never coming to again races through Locus’ mind. Now that they’re here, and if Wash can come to, they can talk about plans about the future. He was going to hope for Wash to contact him after he healed to do this. Now he has to rely on Kimball. Assuming her and the others will let him leave this planet. Which is another thing on his mind. That they’re being kind and not meaning it. Only doing it to keep Wash from harming himself. 

“Wait, wait!” Tucker stops the two before they go in the room. “Are we sure about this?” 

“Tucker,” Carolina starts.

“No, are we sure about this? For all we know he’s the one that put Wash in this position!” Tucker points his fingers at Locus.

“Tucker! We’ve talked this through! You saw what Wash did and heard what he threatened. We have no other choice.”

“There’s always other choices! He could just tell us how to deal with this. I’m better for Wash than this psychopath!” 

“May I interject,” Locus speaks up, taking in a silent breath, “if this does not work with me, then it will not work with anyone. Including you. Also, you’re confusing the psychopaths because that was Felix. Not me. Or are you just projecting your feelings? With more intelligence, I’m sure you could fit the term.” Locus rolls his eyes and turns to go to the room.

“Don’t deflect the attention onto Felix. It was all you too. You’re just as bad as him!”

“Do you even hear yourself talking? You’re so unobservant. If you actually paid attention to anything, you’d know I’m nothing like Felix. You, on the other hand, are just like him. Just really bad at it all and haven’t honed in your skills yet.”

“Excuse you?” Tucker crosses his arms.

“See, Lavernius, you should probably change your name to Felix. It suits you better. Especially since you can’t follow orders. You are the reason why Wash is in this position because you can’t take orders. You think you know everything. You don’t. You just cause trouble. If you had listened to me.” 

Locus takes a breath to calm himself. He’s not used to being able to speak his own mind. He’s still angry about what happened with Felix. This shit with Tucker angers him too. 

“So, if you’ll excuse me, I won’t listen to another pathetic excuse come out of your mouth.” 

Carolina holds Tucker back from doing anything. Which makes him focus more on the restriction rather than yelling back at Locus. Dr. Grey and Locus head into Wash’s room. Wash looks okay. He looks just fine. Thank god. Locus tries not to smile. He really does. It’s Wash. It’s his Wash… supposedly.

“Locus! I’m so glad to see you! Everyone is stupid. They’re calling me the wrong name!” he sits up.

Locus loses his smile. Confused. He’s never had to see Wash like this. Never really had to do this. Wash has made him practice what questions to ask, but that was while they were together, in bed, naked. So, it didn’t seem too real to be doing that, but hearing Wash say they’re using the wrong name… He just wants his Wash back now, seeing him there.

“Forgive me, I’ve been having a poor memory day. I don’t remember what I call you,” Locus says.

“You call me Church! It’s very simple to remember, but that’s okay,” he’s slightly confused as to why Locus couldn’t remember his name. Told him anyways. Why wouldn’t he? Locus is known to have bad memory days.

“Ah, Church,” Locus looks down at the floor, taking a few steps forward. 

“Yes! And now that you’re here, we can leave. I hate being here.” 

“What?” 

“Leave this place!” he starts to get out of bed. “Let’s go.”

Locus hastily moves to make Wash lay back in bed. 

“What the fuck Locus!” he keeps trying to get up, but Locus holds him down by the shoulders. 

“What is your full name?” Locus asks, staring at Wash. Trying to figure this thing out.

“What kind of question is that? Let me up!” 

“Tell me your full name.” 

“Leonard Church!” he almost yells back. 

“No, that’s wrong. Your name is David Washington. You’re Wash.” 

“No, I’m not! I’m not!” he doesn’t even look at Locus. Eyes shut. Fighting every word.

“Look at me,” Locus makes him look at him when he opens his eyes. “Look into my eyes. Let me have my Wash back.”

“Wash isn’t me,” tears fall down his cheek, staring at Locus. 

“Yes, he is! You’re Wash. Leader of Blue team. You’re my Wash. Let him come back to me. Let my Wash come forward!” 

Locus gently wipes the tears from Wash’s cheeks. Looking into his eyes, he can see the fight inside. Wondering what it’s like for Wash to deal with this. It’s a different fight that what he has to deal with in his mind. 

“If you can remember who I am, you can remember who you are. Please, Wash,” he begs.

Locus leans down and kisses Wash gently. He pulls away, taking a deep breath. Wash is silent. Moments pass by for what feels like hours. Until Wash turns to look up at Locus.

“Lo?” Wash tries to move his arm, so Locus lets go. Wash puts his hand on Locus’ cheek.

“Hey, want to tell me your name?” 

Wash sadly smiles. “My name is David Washington. I’m leader of Blue Team. I don’t know where I am, really.” 

“You’re on Chorus. Dr. Grey’s been taking care of you.”

“Chorus?” Wash looks worried, then makes the connection. “Wait! Locus! Why are you here then!” 

“Calm down, Wash. Nothing’s going to happen. I have permission to be here.” Locus sits next to him. Wash carefully sits himself up and hugs Locus. Holding him close. They haven’t been this close to each other in months. Both missed it dearly. 

“I’m not okay, Locus. I’m scared.” Wash starts to cry into Locus’ hoodie while Locus rubs his back gently.

“I know, I know. I’m here for you,” Locus whispers.


	5. Chapter 5

Wash has been getting angrier and angrier. He’s brought back every time he becomes the others, but he’s angry with himself for not being able to help himself like he used to. Locus is always there, though. Always says the right things to give him the control to come back. God, he’s missed having him around, but not if it’s because of this. And where they are.

He knows of the rules Locus has to follow while there, but that doesn’t stop him from panicking when he wakes up alone. Always alone because he still refuses to let the Reds and Blues in the room. Which means Locus isn’t allowed in by himself unless Wash yells for him or Gray is in there with them.

He calms himself enough to get out of bed and shuffle his way to the next room. He stands in the doorway, looking at Locus peacefully reading a book. He assumes they found it somewhere for him so he’d have something to do. 

His need for Locus kicks in, “Locs,” Wash croaks out.

Locus immediately puts the bookmark in its place and sets the book down on the table next to the chair. He gets up. Carolina looks their way.

“What is it?” Locus asks.

“I,” Wash looks to Carolina then back to Locus, “I want you to come shower with me.” 

Yes, Wash can shower on his own now. No, he doesn’t need anyone there to help him. Not really. There’s a few handles and a chair in case he needs to sit down or steady himself. But, yes, he still wants Locus to come shower with him. It’s really nice and intimate to do together and Wash wants to do it again.

“Wash, you know the rules,” Carolina speaks up.

“I don’t care,” Wash’s voice sounds better now that he’s said a few words. “I will shower with my boyfriend and there’s nothing you can do about it.” 

Wash grabs Locus’ hand and pulls him along into his room. He can hear Carolina questioning “boyfriend.” He’s expecting questions soon. How can they be together if they’ve never dated? But little do they know….

Wash already has his clothes off. He turns to see Locus taking forever, folding each piece of clothing and setting it down neatly.

“Some things just never change,” Wash smiles at him.

“I’ll always like being neat,” Locus finishes putting the clothes down. “I’ve missed your smile.” 

“I haven’t smiled much since you left,” Wash admits. “Especially not since this,” he points to his neck.

“Unfortunate. Your smile is beautiful.” 

Wash smiles at the ground, blushing slightly. “Shut up.” 

“I don’t think I will,” Locus assures him.

“Good. Don’t. You had to shut up for long enough.” 

The two get into the shower. A few times Wash has to hold onto the rails to steady himself. He won’t admit it, but he’s a little off balance still. Locus just puts Wash’s hands on his waist so he doesn’t have to worry about Wash falling as he does his hair for him.

This is only the second time they’ve showered together. The first time was only because Wash could keep Locus from going back into full soldier mode for a little while longer. But after that shower, he went right back to being the soldier. Now Wash has him completely. He doesn’t have to worry about Locus turning back. It’s quite lovely.

Out of the little shower, Locus dries Wash off for him. Then he dries himself off. It doesn’t surprise him when he turns around to find Wash stole his hoodie. He’s been waiting for that to happen. 

“I think you’re wearing something of mine,” Locus points out, putting the rest of his clothes on.

“No,” Wash looks down at himself. The hoodie is pretty much like a dress on him. “I think this is mine.”

“Oh, my bad. I think I mistook it for mine.”

Wash smiles greatly at him. Locus is letting him keep the hoodie! The little victories. He doesn’t bother with pants since it comes down to just above his knees, but does put on underwear for other reasons.

“You should go shirtless,” Wash suggests to Locus.

“Why’s that?” Locus knows damn well why.

“Because…” Wash can’t force himself to say it in details, “because I’d like it.” 

“Yes, but the hospital is cold. And I don’t think one of your teammates would enjoy it.”

Wash rolls his eyes, “Speaking of which, I should probably go answer some questions.” 

With that, Wash takes a deep breath and heads to Carolina’s room. Locus follows. He sits criss cross in the chair he was sitting in when Wash originally came to get him. Locus opens his book. He’s not going to be a part of this conversation. Even if they try to rope him into it. This is Wash’s deal.

“Alright Caro, I know you have questions. Ask them.” 

Carolina puts the datapad down, looking towards Locus then to Wash. “What do you mean boyfriends?” 

“Exactly what the word implies. We’re together.” 

“How long?” 

“Uh… about that…”

“Wash.” Oh she’s getting a little angry. Oh boy.

“Maybe since uh,” Wash looks to Locus who is holding up four fingers. “Oh since four days after… after being separated by the mercenaries…” 

“What?!” she gets out of the bed. “Wash, are you serious?!”

“...yes.” he looks at the ground. Partially embarrassed. Partially doesn't care, but doesn't like her anger. 

“How?! Explain.”

“Well you see, he big. And we both know I have a thing for big. Remember Maine?” 

“Maine was understandable. He was good for you. But Locus?! You didn't even know him that long before getting with him? And he turned out to be bad and you still stayed with him?”

“Uhhhhh… yeah.”

“Are you fucking stupid, Wash?” Shit. Tucker walks in after hearing part of the conversation. Carolina’s voice is a little louder than indoor voice. Wouldn’t surprise him if he was listening in to the entire conversation too.

“No, I don't think so,” Wash looks at him, holding his ground now.

“While we thought you were being tortured, you were fucking the enemy.” Tucker isn't happy at all. 

“Only… three times?” Wash tries to think. He looks to Locus who nods. “Yeah, three times. Then… once after we found out what was going on.”

“What?!” Tucker and Carolina exclaim at the same time.

“Haha… yeah.” Wash smiles at the memory. “That one was fun.” 

“I thought you were better than that, Wash,” Carolina crosses her arms.

“You don't know me. You think you do, but you don't. And you never will. You were too wrapped up in yourself to ever know what was going on with me. You still are sometimes.”

Carolina stands there speechless to that. She knows she was never truly there for her team, but she still cared for them. But Wash is mostly right. She was still caught up in herself to really see anything going on with her team. So they all fell apart. 

“Wash, why?” Tucker asks.

“Because I'm my own person. I don't have to live up to your standards.” Wash goes over to Locus and makes him move his book so he can sit on his lap. “Either accept it or leave me alone about it cause nothing’s changing.”

Carolina sighs. “Fine. It's none of my business. The past is done.”

“No, this isn't okay. He's a murderer, Wash!” Tucker says.

“So am I.” Wash blankly states. “So is Carolina. We were all in the same boat, different situations yes, but you accepted us. Do you see your flawed logic in that?” 

“You two didn’t commit planetary genocide!” 

“No, instead we killed innocent people that also thought they were on the right side of the war. It wasn’t one entire planet. But the kill count is just as high.”

That shuts Tucker up. He's scrambling for words. Something. Anything to counter what Wash just told him. He can't think of anything. Carolina looks uncomfortable, remembering some of it as well.

“That's what I thought,” Wash leans back fully against Locus. Comfortable.


	6. Chapter 6

_ “They’re going to take him away from you,”  _ Eta whispers into his ear.

_ “Well, logically, they’ll make him pay for what he and Felix did to the planet and its inhabitants,”  _ Delta adds to the banter.

_ “Maybe the Reds and Blues can vouch for him!”  _ Theta exclaims.

_ “Oh yes! That’d be so wonderful of them!”  _ Iota feeds off of Theta’s trust of the guys.

_ “Maybe it’d be best if we went there ourselves. Create a diversion and leave. What do you say Wash?”  _ Sigma asks.

_ “You can leave the bed to look like you’re sleeping. No one will notice,”  _ Gamma states.

_ “It’s not like anything will help. They’ll take him and then what? Expect us to go back with them. We won’t stand for that,”  _ Omega growls out.

_ “Remember Wash, we’re in this together.”  _ How could he forget Epsilon?

 

Wash covers his ears, trying to shut them up. Trying to think about anything else, but it’s impossible since they took Locus. It’d be so much easier with him there. But he was taken to stand trial. It’s a small trial. Wash isn’t even sure who exactly is there. Is there an unbiased judge? Kimball is there for sure. The Reds and Blues should be there too. What about anyone else?

He sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Sad thing is the AIs aren’t wrong. He needs to get to that trial, but where is it? Probably in some enclosed room hopefully. He stands up and puts on Locus’ hoodie he left behind. He took the time before the trial to leave it. Knowing damn well it’d help calm Wash down. 

He shuffles over to the door, peaking out. He sees Dr. Grey busy with something. Her back turned towards him. He takes this chance to sneak out before she turns around. He looks left then right when he gets out of there. Realizing he doesn’t know the layout since they’ve rearranged almost everything. He decides to head right because it feels like it’s the right way to go.

_ “What if they decide to execute him?”  _ Eta speaks up. Voicing exactly what Wash’s worst fear is.

“Shut up,” Wash whispers back, “I don’t need your shit right now.”

Wash keeps walking, trying to find his way around until he runs into someone accidentally. He wasn’t watching where he was going at all.

“Oh hey Agent Washington!” It’s Palomo. “Aren’t you supposed to be in the medical bay still?”

_ “Tell him! He can help us!”  _ Theta gleefully pipes up.

“I’m looking for Kimball. Do you know where she is?” Wash asks.

“She’s in a meeting with Carolina and the Reds and Blues. Why do you ask?”

“Take me there please? I’d like to talk to her.” He really would’ve rather voiced Omega for this. He’s slowly getting mad at the time wasted. These emotions he hasn’t had since Maine. Controlled by a shitty brain. Wonderful.

“Sure! Means I might get to see Tucker again!” Palomo exclaims. Happily leading the way. Taking twists and turns Wash wouldn’t have known to take.

When they get there, Wash enters without a plan. Just winging it. Something he hates to do, but there’s no time to make a plan. So, this has to do for now. All the AIs screaming at him to do different things. They get slightly quieter when he sees Locus sitting on the opposite side of everyone else.

Wash hasn’t noticed they all stopped talking and turned to look towards him.

“Agent Washington?” Kimball calls out to him. He doesn’t respond. “Agent Washington!” 

“Huh?” He looks away from Locus, looking at Kimball.

“Why are you here?” 

“Snuck out like Sigma and Gamma suggested,” he shrugs. As if this means anything because it doesn’t. But for some reason, it worries everyone else.

“Wash?” Carolina speaks up. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just, why are you having this trial without me? I deserve to be here just as much as everyone else in this room.”

_ “They wanted to prosecute him without your input on anything. They don’t want you here complicating things,”  _ Omega blurts out. Wash believes him over anything they could tell him.

“I was told you were not well enough to join the session, and that you have conflicting views on the matter,” Kimball shifts uneasily. 

Wash snorts. “I only have mental issues right now. I’m recovering nicely. Also, every single person in this room is biased. Not just me.”

_ “Rip them to shreds,”  _ Omega smiles.

_ “Use your words correctly and they’ll give in to your demands,”  _ Sigma joins in. It’s their time to shine.

_ “Remember, you deserve better Wash.”  _ Epsilon makes everyone go quiet so Wash can think more clearly on what to say.

“Would you rather go to the UNSC with him?” Tucker rolls his eyes. “Cause I’d prefer that. They’d for sure kill him then.”

“You have nothing relevant to say. You should just shut up.” Wash walks past all of them. Standing in front of Kimball only.

Trying to think quickly. He needs to say something. At that moment, Sigma takes over. Wash puts his hands behind his back.

“Kimball,” his voice sounds slightly off, “to you and everyone else here, Locus did a grave crime. Yet, he is not the one you should be blaming. Just because Felix is dead doesn’t mean you get to blame Locus.

He was manipulated like the rest of us. As for the death toll? Carolina and I have one that’s much higher combined because we were just doing what we were told.

Now, upon saying that, give me Locus. I’ll make sure nothing like this ever happens again. Because it won’t. Let him be my responsibility.”

Kimball looks over to Carolina then to Locus, trying to assess the situation. Nobody thought Wash would give any demands. They thought he’d just mull it over and sit quietly since Wash isn’t one for fighting for what he wants since Maine dies. He gave up after that. 

“Agent Washington, why is that something I should grant?”

“Because he’s not a monster,” the rage is bubbling up. “He would’ve done more damage by now. Something none of you can remotely realize. If you don’t just hand him over to me, I’ll get us out of here.”

“Washington,” Locus speaks up. Making Wash turn to look at him. Slightly scared by his raised voice.

Locus gets up and walks towards Wash. Putting a hand on his cheek. Just that little gesture is calming enough to push Sigma away.

“I can’t lose you,” Wash whispers. He closes his eyes for a moment. Then turns back to Kimball.

“I don’t care about anything you have to say. We’re leaving.”

Wash takes Locus’ hand and pulls him alone. Nobody stops them from leaving.


	7. Chapter 7

Locus has to guide Wash and him back to the medical bay. Mostly because he wasn’t paying attention to the way Palomo took him. Wash wants to gather his things before leaving. At least what little he has on him.

“Washington,” Locus tries to call to him. “Washington!” 

That makes him stop trying to put his armor on. “What?”

“What’s wrong?” 

_ “He can tell!”  _ Theta mentions.

_ “Don’t tell him,”  _ Eta speaks up,  _ “he’ll make you stay here.” _

“Nothing’s wrong,” Wash slightly tilts his head. “I just don’t want them to do anything to you.”

“I deserve whatever they were going to do,” Locus crosses his arms. “It’s more than that.”

“No.” Wash continues putting on his armor. Giving the hoodie to Locus and holding his helmet. “Let’s just go.”

Right as Wash grabs Locus’ hand to leave, Kimball, Carolina, and Tucker walk in the room. Wash stops in his tracks, annoyed.

“Wash,” Carolina speaks first. “What was that?” 

_ “Should just hurt them and you’ll be able to leave without them stopping you,”  _ Sigma mentions.

“It was exactly what you heard. You’re not stopping us.”

“You can’t do that,” Kimball says.

“Watch me,” Wash takes another step. They take a step to mimic him. “I will not be staying here another moment longer. I can’t.”

“Calm down, Wash. We can just talk about it,” Tucker finally chimes in. Wash was waiting for him to say something about this.

“No. None of you get to talk to me like this. I only joined blue team to escape Hargrove and jail. That’s over with. So, forgive me, but I’m leaving because I can’t stay here any longer.”

Wash brushes past them, dragging Locus along with him. He makes Locus lead the way because he doesn’t know where they can go to get out. Which just happens to be to the war room. He looks around.

“Why are we here?”

“Armor,” Locus presses a button and his armor is presented to him. He takes it and slowly starts to put it on.

“Why exactly is your armor here?” Wash asks.

“Because we teleported me here when you originally needed me.” He just decided to speak the truth.

“Ah.”

They go silent for the time being. Not needing to say anything else. Locus grabs a teleportation grenade and pulls Wash closer to him. He teleports the two of them to his ship.

“You sure about this?” Locus asks before opening the door to A’rynasea.

“Yes. I’d rather die than stay there anymore. There’s things I want to tell you, but I don’t know if it’s true or not. And I do know that if I asked Tuck- him about it, I wouldn’t get the truth. It’d just make me more confused about the entire thing.”

“It’d probably be best to not say while we’re still here,” he opens the door and lets Wash aboard first.

“Yeah,” Wash takes his armor off and lays in the cot the moment he sees it.

Locus tilts his head. Not knowing where they’re going. He just gets them into space and away from Chorus. Putting A’rynasea on autopilot. Taking off the top half of his armor before going over to the cot, kneeling next to Wash.

“Get some sleep. I’ll make sure you’re okay,” Locus tells him. Not really knowing what else to say. Just needs to stay by Wash’s side.

The way he said there’s something he has to tell him, but he doesn’t know if it’s real is frustrating. He almost mentioned Tucker. That much is obvious, but he censored himself. Something happened. The last time they were together on Chorus, he was more distant than usual. Now his mind made him practically beg for Locus to return and take him away.

An idea pops into his head. He knows someone who can help Wash with his mind. Plus they’ll be happy to see Locus again. Should be the perfect place to start over. Something new.

“We’ll be okay. I know someone who can help,” he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short ending, but thanks for reading. Hope y'all enjoyed<3


End file.
